Heartbreak, Zoloft, & the Full Moon
A lil tale from my current vibes
Heartbreak & Healing
Breakups are messy and hard as fuck—but they’re also an opportunity for deep transformation. I find myself there right now.
The person I was madly in love with for two years told me she’s not ready for the next steps, so we said goodbye. I was heartbroken and caught off guard. I was so hurt I went numb and couldn’t feel anything. But when she told me she can’t meet me where I’m at, I immediately knew I had to let go. Damn, that’s maturity, isn’t it?!!!
It marks a stage of growth I didn’t realize I’d reached. Dating used to be mercilessly heartbreaking for me—too sensitive for rejection, too hopeful for casual situationships. But all the healing work is paying off. I feel it. Maybe I can handle the seasons of my life.
I’ve been in individual therapy for almost a decade, and group therapy for five years. I’ve been on Zoloft, too, and it’s working in overdrive. I don’t feel collapsed and destroyed by anxiety the way I have in past breakups—like this one. I feel capable. I feel strong. I feel sad and angry, but I also feel worthy on my own.
It hasn’t been easy to heal. It’s taken sooooooooooooo long. Like—you wouldn’t believe. I’ve been the number one anxious-attachment girl, needing to be locked up in the hospital for a lobotomy ASAP. But somehow—SOMEHOW!—I am healing!!!!! Can you believe this shit?
I’m still processing the breakup and all the feelings that come with it. But at this very moment, I’m proud to say: I’m doing okay. I’ve yearned for true love since I was a little lad, and I feel lucky enough to have experienced it. Losing true love doesn’t mean I’ll never have it again. True love is an energy—it lives in my heart, your heart, every soul’s heart. It’s up to us to explore it, however long it lasts. The gift is experiencing it at all.
I wanted my ex-girlfriend to be my person so bad. But I see now that it wasn’t meant to be. And rather than clinging to an illusion that would keep hurting me, I’m finding empowerment in rising up and trusting that what’s meant for me will find me. We all deserve love, homie.
Also? I just came off an incredibly expansive and inspiring trip to Europe, where I focused on art-making and self-care. I got a real taste of what it’s like to take care of only me. So in a way, I’m ready to embrace the alone time—the languid afternoons with no one to negotiate my time with. I can nap, make art, cry, binge Love Island, study witchcraft on YouTube—nobody can stop me. And that’s so empowering!!!
Full Moon in Capricorn 2025
Last night was the full moon in Capricorn. The Indigenous nickname for it is the Buck Moon, because around this time of year, male deer grow their antlers to full size—ready to take on whatever’s coming next.
The full moon is always about shedding and releasing. Capricorn is about the structures we’ve built in our lives for stability. It makes sense for me, personally, that I’m shedding a former structure of stability that no longer aligns. But I’m ready—with deep-rooted inner strength—to take on whatever comes next.
What outdated structures are you shedding in your life?
Apparently, this is one of the lowest-hanging moons of the year, too. It feels like the heavens are close to Earth—holding us, reminding us we can do this. We aren’t alone. We can keep going. We can build something new and more aligned.
This full moon is ruled by Saturn, which is currently in Aries, right alongside Neptune. The last time Saturn and Neptune came together like this was in 1989—the year I was born. Um, OK!!!!!!
Anyone else born that year has a mini-generational signature: the planet of structure (Saturn) aligned with the planet of dreams (Neptune). We’re meant to dream up new ways of building society. We were born during the death of old worlds—the Berlin Wall fell in November 1989. Now, in our mid-30s, we find ourselves in another pivotal moment, as the old ways of capitalism collapse in real time.
We must come together to dream of a better future—one that can actually hold us, heal us, and create abundance that orange man and his minions can’t even fathom (fuckers).
Thank you for reading.
If you want to support my Substack, simply liking or commenting helps a lot. I love to feel connected to whoever is reading—so I’m not posting into the void—and that’s my simple ask :)
Take care of yourselves!!!! 💫
My Break-Up Playlist
I’ve been jamming too and these help me. Maybe they’ll help you! Landslide is the greatest heartbreak song ever I fear.
~~ u inspire me, thank you for sharing! 1989 crew ~~
shedding the structure that keeps me in a pattern of shutting things down rather than being open to them! <3 <3